


If I Die I'll Never Have...

by 9876grpc



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-11
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-11 12:08:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/9876grpc/pseuds/9876grpc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Harry and Hermione vent over Ron leaving, they talk about the things they'll never have done if they were to die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Die I'll Never Have...

I do not own Harry Potter.

Author’s Note:  This is a one-shot that I had to write.  It’s written from Hermione’s point of view.  It’s pure Harry/Hermione so I hope you like itJ

It had been a few days since Ron had walked out on us.  Harry tried his best to make me feel better, and I had finally stopped crying constantly.  I’m still not sure what I’m so upset about.  I mean we weren’t together, he wasn’t my boyfriend, he didn’t owe me anything…but I couldn’t help but feel like I was just dumped.  Now that I’ve stopped with the waterworks, I can’t help but notice Harry’s kept it all in and his anger is palpable.  I can tell he’s going to lose it soon, so I take a seat and pick up a book to read, waiting for him to let it all out.  I don’t have to wait long…

Harry storms into the tent, casting a charm on the flaps to seal them shut and then he turns and looks around in anger.  He runs his hands through his hair several times while breathing deeply.  After several minutes of this he growls out a warning, “Hermione…”

I look up at him and say, “It’s OK, Harry, Let it out.”

He nods gratefully and then there is a tornado of things being thrown around the tent, surprisingly none even come close to hitting me.  After 20 minutes of this, when nearly everything is broken to bits, Harry slows down and then the yelling starts…

“I FUCKING HATE HIM!  I HATE YOU RON!  DO YOU HEAR ME, I FUCKING HATE YOU!”

Silence follows for a few minutes where Harry just stands in place breathing heavily trying to calm down.  Surprisingly, he’s somewhat successful.

“I’m sorry Hermione, I just needed to get it all out of my system.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, isn’t that what you told me?” I reply smirking at him.

He chuckles, smiling, then walks over to the couch I’m sitting on and makes himself comfortable next to me.

We sit in silence for a long while, just thinking and enjoying each other’s company. Suddenly Harry snorts, and I look at him questioningly. “What’s so funny Harry?”

He blushes profusely which makes me even more curious and I say, “Oh, now you definitely have to tell me, Potter.”

“No, it’s stupid.”

“So what? It’s not like we have anything else to do right now.  After the week we’ve had, I think we could both use a conversation about something stupid.”

Harry nodded in response and smiled before he said, “With everything that’s going on and all we need to do, I can’t stop thinking about how I’ve never had sex.  That I’m going to die a virgin.”

I was quite shocked and I tried to think of something to say, in fact I know I opened my mouth to say something several times but I wasn’t sure what to say, so I would quickly close it.  This must have been amusing to Harry because he started laughing at me.

“Harry!” I finally say annoyed.

He pulls himself together and covers his stomach with his arm to quell the ache from laughing so hard, “I’m sorry, but your face was priceless!”

“Well, I certainly didn’t expect you to say that!”

Harry just nodded but didn’t say anything else. 

I began to feel bad for not talking to him about his concern so I asked shyly, “I thought you and Ginny…”

Harry shook his head and said, “No, it just never seemed right.  I mean we came close a few times but we would always stop.”

“And there was never anyone?  Someone over the summer, or after a party or Cho?”

“No, no one.” Replied Harry simply.

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.  I spent several minutes thinking about the right thing to say when Harry interrupted my thoughts, “And you?”

“Me?” I asked confused

Harry blushed and mumbled, “Have you ever…”

Now I was blushing, “Umm…”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” said Harry quickly

“No, it’s fine Harry, really.  I just don’t know how to explain, it’s sort of complicated.” I replied wearily.

Harry raises his eyebrows at me and smirks before responding, “Oh, now you definitely have to tell me, Granger!”

I blush further and slap his arm, saying, “Harry!”

He smiles and waits patiently for me to reveal my secret.  I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with Harry right now, is about the only thing running through my head.  Finally, I take a deep breath and blurt it out, “It was just one time, last year, with …with,” shit, there goes my courage.

He’s surprised and curious, “with who?”

I bury my face in my hands and mumble into them, but of course he can’t understand me.  He pulls my hands away from my face and says earnestly, “Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Mione.”

That does it for me.  Harry almost never uses that nickname for me, but it always makes me melt at the knees for him.  I have no willpower when he uses it.

“Draco Malfoy.”

He scrunches his face up half in disgust half in confusion before he stutters out, “Malfoy?”

I nod my head, looking down somewhat ashamed, waiting for him to explode.  Instead he pulls my chin up so I’m looking directly at him and says, “Would you like to elaborate, because I can’t see how in the world the two of you could occupy the same room let alone have sex.”

I smile and he lets go of my face, but I reach out and grab his hand, holding it in mine.  I needed some reassurance before I spilled, “You promise you won’t be disgusted with me?”

“Hermione, I promise.  You could never disgust me.”

I chuckle and start explaining what happened…

“It was last year and I had just walked in on Ron and Lavender again and I went to find you.... and I did but you were with Ginny.  I suddenly felt so alone and I was crying and I didn’t want to be found by anyone, so I ran to the room of requirement and called the room I needed.  As soon as I entered, I collapsed to the floor and sobbed.  I must have been really loud because a few minutes later, Draco was standing above me.  I don’t know how long he was there before I noticed him but when I did, I actually groaned and said, ‘Oh great.’” 

“Funny thing was, he just sat down on the floor next to me and asked, ‘Are you OK?’”

“I was completely shocked and I just stared at him, and the more I stared at him the more I could see something was obviously bothering him as well.  He looked horrible and his eyes were red and puffy too, like he had been crying.  We sat there for the longest time just staring at each other until I finally replied, ‘I’m not OK.  I’m probably going to regret telling you this but right now I just really need to get it out.  I feel alone and unwanted and ugly and just not good enough.’”

“Draco looked completely surprised that I told him that and after a minute of silence he said, ‘I feel alone as well. Everyone hates me except my mother and I can’t do anything right.’  Then he paused and smiled at me and said, ‘and for the record Granger, you are definitely not ugly.’”

“I snorted at that and he grabbed my face and turned it towards him, then looked me in the eyes for a long time before he said, ‘you’re beautiful.  You always have been and anyone would be lucky to have you.’”

“Of course I was such a wreck that I started crying again and he just pulled me closer and held me for what seemed like hours while I cried.  We didn’t say anything to each other until after I had calmed down again.”

“’Feeling better?’ he asked.”

“’Yeah, I am.’ I said moving out of his arms and turning to look at him.  He still looked so broken so I asked, ‘Do you want to talk about what’s going on with you?’”

“He just shook his head No but I could see the pain in his eyes, I could see how alone he was, so I did the only thing that popped into my head at the time, I kissed him.  At first he froze, completely shocked, not kissing me back, so I pulled away and started to apologize to him but I barely got anything out before he pulled me to him again, kissing me.  It was quite heated, more than any other kiss I’ve experienced, that’s for sure,”

Harry interrupted me unable to hide his curiosity, “Who else have you kissed?”

I smiled and replied, “Victor, Seamus, Fred and George, Cormac, a few boys at home.”

“Hermione!” said Harry scandalized and shocked at me.

I just shrugged my shoulders and continued, “Anyway, at some point Draco and I had gone way past kissing and we were practically naked before we stopped to think for a second.  He pulled away and said, ‘Wait, what are we doing?  We should stop.’ But I wasn’t having it; I pulled him back to me roughly and said, ‘I don’t want to feel alone any longer.  I don’t want you to feel alone any longer.  I need to feel wanted right now Draco…’”

“I actually thought he was going to refuse me but after a minute he gave in.”

“Holy shit.” Said Harry in awe.

“Yeah, I know.  I still can’t believe it happened.”

Harry blushed and asked, “So, what was it like?”

I smiled and replied, “At first it hurt like a mother, but then after a while, it was amazing.  I couldn’t believe that something could hurt so much one minute and then the next feel like I was in heaven.”

“Really? It hurt?” asked Harry

“Yeah, I think it hurts for all girls the first time.”

“Oh.  That sucks.”

I laughed and said, “I know but it’s only the one time then it feels good the other times.”

Harry looked at me curiously waiting for me to elaborate, and I blushed when I realized what that must have sounded like, “No, I mean, I don’t know that for sure, I’ve only done it the one time.”

He laughed enjoying my embarrassment before he asked shyly, “Can I ask you about it?”

I blushed but nodded

“How long did you... you know…do it for?”

“I’m not sure, but it was a while because Draco said after a half hour it would start to feel good and sure enough at some point it stopped hurting and I started to really enjoy it.  After that we went on for a while longer.”

“I think what I’m most nervous about besides hurting the girl I’m with is not being good.” Replied Harry embarrassed.

“Oh, Harry, I’m sure that’s not going to be a problem for you.” I replied blushing

He looked at me curiously and asked, “Why do you say that?”

More blushing on my part before I said, “Because you’re so passionate about everything, Harry.  I mean look at earlier, even when you’re angry, you don’t just yell, you put your whole self into it, you throw things and yell and pull your hair.  And during the entire fit you never once wavered your concentration, you’re entire being was focused on one thing.  Trust me Harry, when you have sex with someone they’re going to enjoy it.”

“You mean if…”

I scrunched up my face in a frown at that and said, “Harry…”

He shrugged his shoulders somewhat resigned to his fate and we sat in silence for several minutes all the while my brain was working feverishly.

“Hey Harry?” I asked tentatively

“Mmm” he responded still lost in thought.

“I’ve never had sex with someone I love.”

He turned to look at me and there was sorrow in his eyes.

“If we die, I’ll never have made love to anyone.” I finished softly

He pulled me close and rested his head on mine whispering, “Mione…”

I sniffled a little and said, “I always thought my first time would be with either you or Ron.”

Harry tensed slightly and pulled back a little to look in my eyes questioningly.  We stayed like that for a minute just staring at each other before Harry replied, “Me?”

I just nodded

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know, Mione.”

I shrugged, still staring into his beautiful green eyes.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“Make love to me?”

Harry searched my eyes frantically for several minutes to see if I was serious, finding nothing but truth he asked, “Are you sure?”

I gathered all my Gryffindor courage and replied, “Yes, Harry.  I want to make love to you.  I want the both of us to experience this together.  I want us just once to forget about everything else for a moment and do something so completely our age.  I don’t want to die without experiencing this and I don’t want you to die without experiencing it either.”

We stared into each other’s eyes for several moments before I finally leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.  They were so soft and sweet.  Harry started to kiss me back tenderly and I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer and moving onto his lap at the same time.  I wrapped my legs around him and ran my hands through his hair, pulling slightly on it, which made him moan a little.  I pulled away and smiled at him then resumed kissing him passionately.  He started to run his hands under my shirt and he felt so hot, I couldn’t stand being so far apart from him.  I pulled back again and quickly ripped my shirt over my head.  Harry grinned as he looked down at my black lace bra.  I was a good C cup and I was pleased to see that he appreciated the view.  He brought his lips to my breast slowly, going to my earlobe first then down my neck, over my shoulder, across my chest, until he finally reached the exposed portion of my breast.  He started licking and nipping them over and over again, making me writhe in his lap, shouting incoherently, until he finally released my bra and sucked on my nipple so hard that I thought I was going to come right then and there. 

He gave me a few minutes to calm down and catch my breath and when I looked back in his eyes he was smirking.

“What?” I asked indignant.

“Did you enjoy that?”

I rolled my eyes at him and said, “Obviously.  Now get your sexy ass over here so I can make you feel good.”

Harry blushed profusely but came willingly.

I kissed him thoroughly before breaking away and pulling his shirt over his head, then I pushed him back and began lavishing kisses all over his chest, paying special attention to his nipples, biting them every now and then, before I moved down to his abdomen.  I was beyond turned on by his six pack abs and I spent an eternity kissing his stomach, swirling my tongue around his belly button, then along the top of his jeans, sometimes dipping my tongue below the waistband.  He was bucking his hips fervently now and his hands were in my hair, making it even messier than usual.

“Mione…” Harry moaned and I nearly climaxed just from the sound of it.

I groaned and crawled my way up his body, kissing him soundly before pulling away and saying, “That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.”

He smirked and suddenly flipped us so that I was on the bottom and he proceeded to make his way down my body, torturing me much like I had just done to him. 

“Fuck! Harry!” I screamed as he lavished a fair amount of attention on a particularly sensitive spot just above the top of my pants.  I felt him smile into my skin then he was undoing my pants, unbuttoning them then un-zippering them, before moving back to pull them off me, one leg at a time.  He looked so fucking sexy right now, I actually growled at him.  He chuckled and proceeded to kiss his way up my legs, caressing them with his hands at the same time.  He was kissing all along my underwear and I was writhing under him practically begging to be taken. 

He put his hands on my hips to hold me still as he kissed me through my underwear.  He rubbed his nose up and down first, then used his tongue, then pressed a few kisses to me before finally nipping me right where my clit was.  I screamed something unintelligent and practically bucked off the couch. 

Harry then took my underwear off very slowly, looked me in the eye then began exploring me with his tongue again.  It felt fucking amazing and I’m pretty sure I said that several times to him, to my embarrassment.  I also grabbed onto his head with both hands and practically suffocated him.  I was being extremely forceful but he didn’t seem to mind, in fact I think he was enjoying it, chuckling every time I pushed his head or pulled on his hair. 

After a while he began using his fingers as well and it wasn’t long after that that I came screaming his name as I sat straight up on the couch.  I was breathing heavily and was covered in sheen of sweat.  It took me a minute to calm down and I realized that Harry was still in between my legs, looking up at me with this huge grin.

“Fuck” I said falling back on the couch.

Harry laughed and crawled his way up my body, as he did so his jeans rubbed against my clit making me spasm since it was still so sensitive.

He seemed concerned and as he lay down next to me he asked, “Are you OK?”

I nodded and turned and pulled him in for a passionate kiss.  He was definitely surprised that I would kiss him after he was doing that but fuck if I cared.  I wanted him and I wanted him now.

I quickly moved so that I was on top of him again and started to unbuckle his pants and pull them off.  I then did the same with his boxers and when he was finally naked I sat and admired him for a minute.  He was absolutely perfect and I smirked knowing that he was going to be mine soon.

Just as Harry was getting uncomfortable from me staring at him, I leaned down and practically swallowed him in my mouth.  He squeaked in surprise but once I started moving up and down on him, swirling my tongue repeatedly, he was moaning quite loudly. 

“Oh, God, Mione, that feels so good.  Please… don’t… stop.”

I hummed my response making Harry say, “Fucking Hell!”

I continued for a long time until Harry pulled on my hair and said, “Mione…I’m close.”

I pulled away and smiled at him gratefully and saw nothing but awe reflected back at me.  Before I could ask if anyone had done that to him before, he practically tackled me, pushing me on my back and spreading my legs with his hands.  He positioned himself and asked one last time, “Are you sure, Mione?”

“Yes, Harry, please…” I begged.

He kissed me passionately then plunged into me, making me pull away and gasp at the sensation.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked panicked

I shook my head, “No, I just…. fuck…. you’re just big.”  I took a moment to adjust and breathe, then I tentatively moved and since it didn’t hurt I said, “It’s OK, Harry, you can move now.”

Harry, who had been holding his breathe this whole time, let out a huge sigh and started moving slowly.  He looked in my eyes and kissed me repeatedly as we slowly made love.  It was soft and gentle and amazing, nothing like my first time.  “Thank you, Harry,” I breathed out in between kissing his neck and earlobe.

He pulled back a little and looked in my eyes replying, “Thank you, Mione.”

We both smiled and continued making love, until I needed more and flipped us over.  The look of complete awe on Harry’s face was priceless as I moved up and down on him.  He held onto my hips, guiding me, but never hurting me or being forceful.  After a while of this I began to get tired so he rolled us over onto our sides so that we were facing each other, never once stopping our dance.  The new position was hitting a spot in me that made me gasp and Harry being a quick learner took advantage of this.  He angled his thrusts to repeatedly hit this spot and I found out very quickly what it was like to have an orgasm during sex.  Up until now I had only had one by stimulating my clit. 

I think I blacked out honestly, because Harry looked a little concerned when I opened my eyes and saw him.  He kissed my nose sweetly and said, “Mione?”

I pulled him close and whispered, “Harry…that was incredible.”

He smiled and I asked, “Are you close?”

He nodded enthusiastically and I said, “Well, Mr. Potter, let’s take care of that for you?”

I kissed him with everything I had in me, all my love for him, all my hopes for the war, all my passion, everything and he sped up his thrusts making me moan and gasp more. 

“I love you Harry,” I whispered in his ear and a moment later he groaned and shuddered above me, and I felt him pulsing inside me.  He collapsed on top of me and we both just lay there panting for several minutes before his weight started to crush me.  I nudged him a little with my hands and he moved to my side pulling me in his arms.  He kissed the top of my head, then my forehead, then my nose and finally gave me a lazy kiss before he pulled away and said, “I love you too, Mione.”


End file.
